let’s talk about anger

I've always had an easier time connecting with anger.

As a child, my scream was movie- worthy. “Blood-curdling” and “other-worldy” as my family likes to tease me.

My ability to tap into anger followed me into adulthood. Whenever any big emotion comes up - oftentimes I feel anger first - before sadness, before grief.

But while a movie-worthy rage in little girls is “cute”, society tells us anger as adults isn’t cute. (Especially if you’re a woman. Shh, be grateful).

So I learned to not trust my anger. I learned to push it far, far down.

I instead learned bite my tongue, to let that anger simmer away deep within me until it turned to acid.

I denied myself the ability to feel my anger, because it made me feel out of control.

I was afraid my anger would eat me alive, or turn me into a bitter b*tch.

I didn’t know my anger held immense positive power, if only I knew how to transform it.

Anger can only eat you alive if you don't know how to transform it. If you let it fester into something ugly.

Your anger is the path and the fuel needed to drive immense change.

The world today needs us now, more than ever, to learn how to spin our anger into gold.

Look at what’s happening around us - unjustified violence, women losing control over their own bodies, and groups of people continuing to polarize and villainize the other.

So how do we transform anger into magic?

Step 1 - Touch the kernel of fear or sadness at the root of your anger

Anger is there to protect - either you or others. Transforming your anger requires connecting with the part of you where that deeper sadness or deeper hurt lives.

• Ask yourself: What is this anger showing me? What is my anger trying to protect? What is scaring or hurting me here?

Are you angry with your significant because you feel he’s not giving you enough attention? Or are you really scared that this is an indicator that he might leave you?

Are you frustrated at your boss for his micro-managing behavior? Or are you feeling scared you’re wasting so much time at a job where you don’t feel valued?

Follow the thread to the root of your anger to see what it’s protecting.

Step 2 - Pour your anger energy into action that will soothe or heal your kernel of fear or sadness

Anger can be an incredibly potent energy source. Look at the energy expelled from volcano, an avalanche, or a nuclear explosion. Those explosions create an immense amount of energy.

Identifying the fear behind the anger shows you where the energy should flow. It should flow to protecting and healing that fear or sadness.

Now that you know what needs to be healed, you can leverage that incredibly powerful anger energy to take action: whether it be focusing on your own healing, on driving change, on loving others, or showing support and care.

• Ask yourself, what actions can I take to address this sadness or fear? What does my sadness or fear need from me right now?

Instead of slamming the door on your boyfriend, why not use that emotion to dance it out in your room and or sit for an inner child healing meditation? Or set aside time with him to have a conversation where you share your fear with him?

Instead of ranting to your work BFF about your terrible boss, why not put that energy towards outlining a productive work/life boundaries conversation to have with your boss , or perhaps even into dreaming up your true dream job?

Your rage doesn't have to eat you alive. It can be used as a valuable, powerful signal to what needs your attention.

Looking at the gift behind my anger showed me where I needed healing.

My frustration at how my body looked showed me where I had the opportunity to love myself more.

My frustration at a friend showed me where I wasn’t enforcing a boundary.

The rage I felt towards political decisions fueled me into activism and supporting others in my community that needed my help the most.

So, embrace your anger. Feel it fully. Find the hurting behind the rage. And turn that energy into action, baby.

My offering to you:

• Where do you feel anger in your life? Who or what is it aimed at?

• What is the hidden sadness or fear behind this rage.

• What are actions you can take now to heal the sadness or fear?

Your anger is a valuable, powerful signal. It’s telling you something that needs to be healed or address. Listen to it.