A lesson on olives & people pleasing đź«’đź«’
If you know me, you know I love food. So much.
Slimy oysters? Yes please. Mystery street food where the only way to order is to point and smile? Count me in.
And while I love almost all food, I do not like olives.
Now, this preference upsets many people.
"....what do you mean you don't like olives?!"
Easy.
I do not like the taste, it's not for me. Even the eyeball-ish texture freaks me out. 🫒 (Tell me that doesn’t look like an eyeball.)
People don’t like this answer. They don’t believe me. They think I just haven’t tried the right olive “form” yet.
"Oh, Olivia but you just need to try green olives! Or olives in Italy! In Greece! You need to try MY olives."
And I have tried. I have tried it all and each time put a slimy olive in my mouth, I want to gag.
And despite my personal distaste for olives, the world is brimming with olive lovers.
They order dirty martinis with extra olives and pick out the olives in a massive cheeseboard. They ask for a side of olives at fancy restaurants and spend $20 on artisan olives to keep in their bar cart.
They’re obsessed.
Let's for a moment imagine that you're an olive. (Stay with me here). I'm just never going to like you. (No hard feelings, I imagine you're a lovely olive.)
It doesn't matter how much effort you put into it.
It doesn't matter what form you take, whether you're an olive grown in lush volcanic soil in Italy, or you sit as a crispy olive broiled on a pizza, or stuff yourself with blue cheese and drop into a dirty martini glass. I just don't like olives.
But I have great news. Olive lovers, are going to be absolutely obsessed with you.
You won't need to change a single thing about your olive-y self. To an olive lover, you're perfect.
Like olives, your core authentic self is not going to be "liked" by everyone.
I get it. We want to be liked by those around us. Feeling validated and accepted feels good.
But every time you betray your deepest, authentic self by appeasing others, you're not only wounding yourself, but you're blocking the potential to find the true olive lovers of the world.
Similar to olives, if someone doesn't "get" you, it doesn't mean you aren't worthy (or that you aren't delicious).
It just means there is a difference of tastes here.
And that is deeply okay.
Once you release the desperate need to be liked by everyone, SO MUCH energy opens up for you to find out who you are as a person.
When you stop trying to adapt who you are or how you come across to others, you find freedom.
You get to figure out how you want to show up in the world, vs how you think people want you to show up.
You are not responsible for presenting yourself in a certain way in order to receive love and affirmation.
And you won't need to betray your authentic self for people that really truly get you.
So go on with your olive-y self. đź«’
Reflection questions for you:
How are you spending time and energy trying to change yourself to appeal to others?
Where do you "perform" for others?
How does this need to perform impact how you show up in life?
How would it feel to spend that same energizing further stepping into your own authentic nature?
Self affirmation mantras to try on.
I exist to rest in my authentic self.
I accept myself.
My authenticity is a gift
My people find me effortlessly
I connect with what brings me joy.
