IS IT AN ISSUE WITH SELF CONTROL OR with SELF TRUST?
Hi my name is Olivia and I numb with food. 👋
There was a long time where I couldn’t admit that my drug of choice was the blissful abyss of a sleeve (or two) of thin mints.
I couldn’t admit it because It all felt so shameful.
From my early teenage years, I felt like a broken girl who couldn’t figure out how to do the most BASIC THING EVER: eat.
It started with sneaking spoonfuls upon spoonfuls of chocolate frozen yogurt when school was stressful or eating bowls of buttery fried rice when I felt like I wasn’t fitting in with the girls in school.
My habit of turning to an overwhelming amount of food when my feelings felt overwhelming followed me to my early 20s.
When work was stressful, or I felt bored, or anxious, or when I felt like my to-do list was creeping up on me, I turned to food.
Like a deep sigh of relief out, food provided relief from my stress and anxiety.
I beat myself up, thinking that binging was as simple as not having self control.
I felt broken because my “off” switch wasn’t working. I was weak and lacked the willpower to just STOP. EATING.
What I’ve now learned is that my binge was not related to self-control, but related to my ability to self-comfort.
Can you relate?
Maybe your source of numbing looks a little different.
Maybe your numb of choice looks like
numbing with workaholism
numbing with alcohol
numbing through mindless scrolling
numbing through the high of online shopping
Numbing by getting lost in hours of online gaming
Let’s take a step back and look at why we choose to numb:
We choose to numb because:
Because we’re uncomfortable with the present moment
AND we don’t trust ourselves to be able to navigate ourselves out of the discomfort
So when faced with the discomfort of the present moment, we abandon ourselves and outsource our self-comfort through eating, shopping, or scrolling, or drinking.
When I think back to my binging days, what I was really searching for in the blissful chews and swallows was a sense of comfort.
I was outsourcing self-comfort to food.
I had a belief that I was not capable of taking care of myself. So I abandoned myself and let food fill the role.
I could only release my binging when I found a way to trust myself to not abandon me. When I found a way to comfort myself through big emotions.
So how to do we nurture a sense of self-trust? How do we nurture a feeling that we can take care of ourselves?
It first starts with cultivating kindness, gentleness, and a consistent practice of showing up to take care of YOU.
How might we nurture a sense of self trust?
Step 1: Release the shame
We have to let go of the blame game. I personally had to stop berating myself up for the binges, for my body’s desperate way of trying to feel better. I had to speak more compassionately to the part of me that was hurting.
Can’t we see that we’re going to be learning a new skill (how to comfort in a new way) and that we will probably still turn to your numbing pattern as we learn and grow this skill? Of course. So let’s start with speaking kindly to ourselves.
Step 2: Lovingly move through discomfort
UGH, dammit we’re going to have to actually had to address the root cause: we need to put in the the unsexy “work” of choosing a different comfort tool.
Which means we have to address the feelings that we want to run away from. We need to move THROUGH the discomfort.
The best way to move through the discomfort is to get away from the trigger and into your body, which is always in the present moment.
Some of my favorite somatic tools include: dancing to a favorite song, drinking a warm, soothing beverage, reading a chapter of a good book, journaling, taking a walk or calling a friend. Whatever brings you into your body to process is perfect.
Step 3: Rinse and repeat
Self trust can only be built through repair. That means we have to come back to steps 1 & 2 again and again.
We’re practicing something new here, so there is a high likelihood that we will revert back to our old numbing pattern. We must approach this process with love and compassion and gentleness.
Remember that every time you choose to show up for yourself in a way that shows love and compassion, you are building the muscle that says, “I can take care of myself.”
The important part of this whole process is the act of coming back again and again and choosing to not abandon yourself.
Like any relationship, you feel more confident in the security of your bond after you’ve successfully repaired after a fight.
Same goes with your relationship to yourself. You can only build self trust through repetition.
So tell me..
What’s your “numb” of choice?
What’s your relationship to self trust like?
What helps you move through uncomfortable experiences?
Sending you lots of love
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Psst! I’m here to support you too.
With an absurdly grateful heart, I’m excited to share how we can work together right now. I’m opening up a limited number of 3 - 6 month 1:1 client spots (!!!) for those people ready to receive customzied support on how to unlock the next level of their growth and life.
So if you’re ready to explore what this 1:1 support looks like, email me at hello@oliviaclairehill.com and we can set up a call to get to know each other and I can share more about the 1:1 process!
